If you saw our lamp on Amazon,
it is not ours‼️

The shower is one of the last places where nothing follows you in. No phone, no screen, nobody asking for anything. For a few minutes your body finally gets permission to stop. The only thing still working against that is the light above your head, and it was never a brightness problem. Turning white ceiling light down just gives you dim white ceiling light.

So we built the opposite of the switch. Warm amber, low, thrown sideways across the walls instead of down onto you. Soft cloudy patches that drift and move while you stand there. Enough to see by, not enough to tell your body it is still the middle of the day. That is the entire product, and how much of the room it reaches is the entire point of it.

Same dome, same little stem, same sixteen colours in the product shots. Ours included. Line six of them up at thumbnail size and you could not tell which one is $25 and which one is $79.90. Neither could we, and we make one of them.

That is not really anyone's fault. It is what a product photo is. A product photo is a photograph of a lamp, and what you are actually buying is a photograph of your bathroom, which depends entirely on what the light does after it leaves the glass. No listing can show you that. Not theirs, and not ours either.

Both lamps sat in the same spot, the same distance from the wall, at the same height. Same camera, same lens, exposure and white balance locked so neither one could be flattered. Nothing was brightened afterwards, and the towel rail is in both halves of the frame so you can check the scale yourself.

The $25 lamp lights a corner. Ours lights the room.

That is the whole difference. It is also the thing that never makes it into a thumbnail on either side, which is why it took buying one to find out.

Their listing says IP44 in one place and IP65 in another. Both numbers, same page, same lamp. We are not going to tell you which one is true, because we do not know, and apparently neither do they.

Ours is IP44. Splash proof, built for steam and a wet bathroom, and we would not tell you to stand it under running water. That is the whole claim. If it were higher we would print the higher one, and we would still only print it once.

First, the honest part, because you are going to see it anyway. Their listing holds 4.3 stars from more than two thousand people, and 86% of those are five star. For $25, most buyers are happy, and we are not going to pretend otherwise.

We are interested in the other 14%, and in particular what Amazon itself says about it. Amazon writes a summary at the top of the reviews on every listing, generated from the reviews rather than from the seller. Here is theirs, in full:

And here are the reviews underneath it, in their own words. We have not typed these out and we have not tidied them up. They are screenshots, so you can go and find every one of them yourself.